THE PECULIARITIES OF
VICTORIAN WEDDING ETIQUETTE

Victorians have passed on to us what a mannered person should do in all social situations. In the 1870's to 1880's there were more than sixty etiquette books that were published that included sections on wedding etiquette and much of what was recommended is followed to this day. However, there were some peculiarities.

Victorian wedding etiquette did not have specific directions as to how the wedding rite should be done, but they made it clear that the wedding should follow the rules of the church chosen by the couple to be married. Both a public or private ceremony were allowed.

Victorians married in a Methodist church were expected to study the Book of Discipline. Episcopalian Victorians the Book of Common Prayer and Catholic Victorians were invoked to know the basic Ritual in a Catholic Wedding Celebration.

In Victorian wedding etiquette, couples were required to do wedding rehearsals. The rehearsal of the ceremony was always done in private. Victorians believed that by having a wedding rehearsal, the bride and groom and the wedding parties would be sure to know the necessary forms and rites of their religion.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen were expected to assist in the preparation of very large weddings. Wealthy Victorians held huge weddings in public so many guests were expected to attend (even from nearby towns), and the hired help wouldn't be able to accommodate the guests.

Although this next rule seems funny nowadays, Victorian wedding etiquette is clear on this matter: bridesmaids were to be younger, yes you read it right, younger than the bride. An older sister who you love dearly, wouldn't be able to be a bridesmaid if you were born during the time of the Victorians.

Victorian wedding etiquette on bridesmaids clothing is also peculiar. Bridesmaids should wear dresses that look like that of the bride. It was believed even before the time of the Victorians that a devil was on the loose at every wedding. This devil was tasked to kidnap the bride, take her away from her groom, and take her virginity from her. So bridesmaids who were younger than the bride but dressed to look like her were meant to confuse the devil so he would not know who to choose.

The material for bridesmaids wedding dresses was usually light and flowing fabric that allowed graceful gait, and typically had lots of ornament.

The bridesmaids were to assist the bride (thus the name brides' MAID) in dressing her, receiving company, holding her things, etc. They stood at the brides left side, with the first bridesmaid or the maid of honor holding the gloves and bouquet.

As for the groomsmen, they were to receive the clergyman and present the couple to be married. The first groomsman or the best man stood on the right side of the groom during the ceremony.

In the final analysis, much of wedding etiquette we use today comes from the Victorian era. I have attempted to show some of the differences, but even in a themed wedding these differences should be avoided if it makes the bride or groom uneasy in any way.

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